I will preface this blog with yet another apology. I am sorry I have not remained committed to this forum – I have been consumed by the process of planning a huge work event, and numerous ordeals occurred in the past month that derailed my life. While I can’t go into detail (as some aspects of my life I would like to remain private,) I can tell you that my confidence has been shaken.
Warning: This blog has no direction and is all over the place (I just needed to write about my feels).
I have previously written about positivity and how I try to remain optimistic Here’s secret…just because I try to remain positive, doesn’t mean I am 100% confident in myself or my choices all the time. Most of the time, it’s false confidence just to get me through the day. Couple the lack of confidence with my anxiety and well, it’s a grand time. Stress and anxiety become a lethal combination for me. I don’t know about you, but when I am stressed, my anxiety is through the roof. I start questioning and overthinking things that I normally wouldn’t care much about. From things like my career, to my personal life.
In the past few years, I have grown so much as a person, but I still have my self-doubts. I’ve made enormous strides to get where I am – I finally have a job I love, I’ve completed my undergraduate and post-graduate education, but I still find myself comparing my life to others. I also think to myself, that I’m not working hard enough or I’m doing life wrong.
You know the feeling? You’re scrolling down the ‘gram and BAM, someone’s perfectly curated life is there to create a pit in your stomach. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others and see one big picture of perfection, but you don’t always see the little pieces that make up the puzzle. In the same way, you have your own puzzle pieces you have to sort out. Some things fall into place and some don’t. You may not have the biggest puzzle or the holographic one, but it is yours and you know the pieces the best.
Okay, so I may have gotten carried away with that puzzle metaphor/analysis, but my point is, you might not always understand how everything will come together or if every decision is the best one compared to someone else’s expertise – but you know what is best for yourself. You know what makes you happy and comfortable. So ideally, you should have confidence in your abilities and if you don’t, then you should also have the self-awareness and confidence to know that you’re capable of growth.
If you don’t feel confidence or passion in your actions, then maybe it’s a sign to look at your environment – you may need to re-assess your viewpoint and re-adjust your actions. For example, I was working at a company last year where I had no interest in the services, but as a marketing coordinator, I had to figure out how I was going to be confident enough to sell the services. While I had confidence in my abilities as a communications professional, I knew that I didn’t possess enough knowledge, experience or passion to be able to effectively market the aforementioned services. With half-hearted confidence, I knew I wouldn’t be able to thrive and this would have a direct impression on my mood and other aspects of my life. So I removed myself from that situation to find a better fit and you know what? At first, it sucked. I felt like I had taken steps back in my life but I had to do it to take several leaps forward. I also think with time and experience, I’ve become more confident than I’ve ever been.
So yeah, of course my life is a bit off the hinges right now but I think that I’m capable to make it through and succeed. Sometimes you just have to get things down on paper or put it online for thousands of people (or just the 2 people) to read before you can really see how your puzzle is going.
Anyway hopefully this made sense to some of you and you find it helpful. I also hope I didn’t make you hate puzzles and metaphors.
Just to keep this puzzle thing going, what kind of puzzles do you guys like? I actually love Sudoku and Tetris!
You never jigsaw this coming
I don’t think you understand how much I needed to hear (or read) this. Thank you.
I’m so so so glad you made sense of this and that it helped. We all need a little push to remember the queens we are 😉